92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
People make moves that are beneath human consciousness but have tremendous power to attract or repel.
Part 1: How to Intrigue Everyone Without Saying a Word The exact moment that two humans lay eyes on each other has awesome potency. Your appearance, your posture, the way you move….matters. Whenever people meet you, they take an instant mental snapshot. THE WAY YOU LOOK & THE WAY YOU MOVE IS MORE THAN 80% of SOMEONE'S 1ST IMPRESSION OF YOU.
1. The Flooding Smile Don’t smile right away, pause for a second and then let your smile be a powerful weapon. A big warm smile is an asset, but only when it comes a little SLOWER, because then it has more credibility.
2. Sticky Eyes
Exaggerated eye contact can be advantageous, especially between the sexes. Pretend your eyes are glued to your partner's conversation with sticky warm taffy.
NOTE: when talking to men a little less sticky.
3. Epoxy Eyes When with three or more people, keep looking at the woman or man you want to impact during the conversation. "The initial organ of romance"=intense eye contact can be a turn on.
4. Hang by Your Teeth Winners- stand with assurance, they move with confidence, and they smile softly with pride. Good posture symbolizes you are used to being on the top. GREAT posture= a heads up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze. When you walk through the door. Every muscle is stretched into perfect posture.
5. The Big Baby Pivot The instant you two are introduced reward your new acquatiance, pivoting 100% towards the new person. An example of this, imagine a baby crawling up to your feet.
6. Hello Old Friend The secret to making people like you is showing how much you LIKE THEM! When meeting someone, imagine he/she is an old friend that you haven't seen in ages (when you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them.)
7. Limit the Fidget The average person tells a lie when he or she is emotionally aroused and bodily changes take place. The individual becomes fidgety. When conversation counts, don't touch your face or even itch yourself.
8. Hans's Horse Sense Get on dual track while talking. Express yourself, but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you are saying. 9. Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene SEE yourself walking around with confidence, HEAR yourself chatting comfortably, FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are in peak form, and VISUALIZE yourself as a SUPER SOMEBODY.
Part 2: How to Know What to Say After You Say "Hi"
10. Make a Mood Match Take a "voice sample" of your listener before opening your mouth to detect his/her state of mind. What expression do you see? Match their mood and voice tone, if only for the moment. 11. Prosiac with Passion ANYTHING is good to talk about. As long as it puts people at ease and sounds passionate. An empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting. DO NOT COMPLAIN, BE RUDE OR UNPLEASANT. Ask you prosiac question with passion to get the person talking.
12. Always Wear a Whatzit Express interest in the apparel of those you wish to approach. Whenever, you go to a gathering wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you delightful an excuse to approach you. 13. Whoozat Ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers. 14. Eavesdrop In Example: "I couldn’t help overhearing your discussion of Bermuda. I am going there next month, any suggestions?"
15. Never the Naked City Never, ever, give just a one sentence response to the question, "Where are you from?" Give the asker some fuel for his tank. Learn some engaging facts about your city. "No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next" 16. Never the Naked Job "And what to you do?" Throw out some delicious facts about your job. 17. Never the Naked Introduction When introducing people, buy an insurance policy on the conversation with a few simple add ons.
"Susan I'd like you meet John. John has a wonderful boat we took a trip on last summer. John, this is Susan Smith. Susan is the editor in chief for Shoestring Magazine." This gives them opportunity to engage in conversation. 18. Be a Word Detective Listen to your partner's every word for clues to his/her preferred topic. 19. The Swiveling Spotlight
"Well, I guess we talked about mostly ME." You can learn so much more if you ask about their life. Try to turn the spotlight on the other person.
YOU GROW MORE BY LISTENING THAN TALKING. 20. Parroting
Simply repeat or parrot the last two or three words your companion said--- it throws the conversation ball back in their court. 21. Encore
Tell them about the time you….
Encore is a postive story where they come out the big winner (set your friends up for success at a gathering.) 22. Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive Lock your closet door and save the skeletons for later when meeting someone new----be postive and eliminate the negative 23. The Latest News- Don't Leave Home Without It Turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper before leaving for a party---it gives you something to talk about.
Part 3: How to Talk Like a VIP Humans are judging eachother's communication skills. 85% of one's success in life is directly due to communication skills. Employer's choose candidates whti good communication skills over experience, training, education. 24. What Do You Do- NOT! Avoid the question, "What do you do?"Instead use, "How do you spend most of your time?" 25. The Nutshell Resume Put a benefit statement in your verbal resume. Prepare a dozen or so variations that could benefit a person asking about your work. DON’T SAY IM A MARTIAL ARTS INSTRUCTOR….say, "I help people defend themsevles by teaching martial arts."
26. Your Personal Thesaurus To sound smarter than you are---what words do you use everyday? Now, look up new words that can be interchanged. 27. Kill the Quick "Me Too!" When you have something in common---the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (impressed) that person will be. Don’t wait too long, but don’t look like a stranger waiting for a quick connection. 28. Comm-YOU-cation Start every approriate sentence with YOU, it immediately gets the listeners attention. More YOU than I in conversations. Jill, YOU will love this new Indian restaurant." Make them feel important.
29. The Exclusive Smile Don’t flash the same smile at everybody…if one person is important to you---save your flooding smile. 30. Don’t Touch a Cliché with a 10 ft. Pole
Don’t use cliches with big winners. 31. Use Jawsmith's Jive Read books to find quotes, humor, or pearls of wisdom. 32. Call a Spade a Spade Tell it how it is. 33. Trash the Teasing Never, ever, make a joke at someone elses expense. 34. It's the Receivers Ball A pro throws the ball with the receiver always in mind. When delivering news it shouldn’t be about how you will feel about the news, but rather how the receiver will feel.
35. The Broken Record Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwlecome subject, simply repeat your orginal response. 36. Big Shots Don’t Slobber Don’t slobber over celebrities---if you run into one, don’t compliment their work, tell them how much of a pleasure or insight it has given you.
37. Never the Naked Thank You People use thank you so often now that people don’t even want to hear it anymore. "Thank you for coming."" Thank you for understanding." "Thank you for waiting." Never let the phrase "thank you" stand alone.
Part 4: How to be an Insider in Any Crowd 38. Scramble Therapy Do their activity just once. You get 80% of the right lingo & insider questions from just one exposure. 39. Learn a Little Jobbledygook It is the language of professions. Learn it. Why? It makes you sound like an insider. Ask a friend whose in the profession to teach you a few questions or tricks. 40. Baring their Hot Button Find out what their industry buzz is. What is hot right now? 41. Read their Rags Is their next client a golfer? Read their rags, educate yourself. 42. Clear "Customs" Get a book of does and don’ts before stepping foot on foreign soil. 43. Bluffing for Bargains Before every big purchase, find several vendors. A few to learn from and one to buy from.
Part 5: How to Sound like You're Peas in a Pod! People are most receptive to those they feel they have the same values in life. 44. Be a Copyclass Watch their movements---find a way to make them comfortable with you. You are your customers buying experience. Therefore, you are part of the product they are buying.
45. Echoing Echo their nouns and verbs back, it makes them feel like you share their values/attitudes. Echo their words.
46. Potent Imaging
Analogies can be an effective communcations tool--- if you evoke images from the life of the person you are talking to. Evoke your listeners lifestyle or interests and weave images around it.
PAINTING IMAGE + STORYTELLING=EVERYTHING
47. Employ Empathizers When you respond with complete sentences instead of usual grunts, not only do you come across as more articulate but your listener feels you understand. 48. Automatically Correct Empathizers For visual people- use visual empathizers Auditory. Kinesthetic.
49. The Premature We Use the word "we" prematurely . The word "we" fosters togetherness, it makes the listener feel connected. 50. Instant History Search for a special moment you shared during your first encounter. Then find a few words to relive the good feeling you both felt.
Part 6: How to Differentiate the Power of Praise from the Folly of Flattery 51. Grapevine Glory A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A pricelice way to praise is tell a friend--- let the pigeon carrier work. 52. Carrier Pigeon Kudos Don’t gossip. Carry only good news and kudos. Whenever you hear something good about someone, fly to them with a compliment.
"Im thinking of you, & your interests." Whenever I run across something that fits a friends life--- send it to them, no note, just FYI- best regards, Chico.
53. Implied Magnificence Throw a few comments in your conversation that imply something postive about the person you are talking with.
54. Accidental Adulation Become an undercover complimentor. 55. Killer Compliment Search for one attractive, specific, unique, quality he/she has. At the end of the conversation look them dead in the eye, say his/her name and proceed to curl all 10 toes with a killer compliment.
Rule #1- Deliver your killer compliment in private. Rule #2- Make your killer compliment credible. Rule #3- Confer only one killer compliment per half year on each recipient.
56. Little Strokes Let them know how much you appreciate them with little strokes; "Nice Job." or "Well Done."
LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT. 57. The Knee Jerk- WOW Like a knee jerk reaction, praise people in a blink (the moment they finish the feat.) 58. Boomeranging "How kind of you." Find a way to compliment them for their compliment 59. The Tombstone Game Find the tender spot where the heart and ego blend. Ask the important people in your life what they want chisled on their tombstone….Next time say, "I love you for FILL IN THE BLANKS WITH THE WORDS THEY GAVE YOU EARLIER"
Part 7: How to Direct Dial their Hearts 60. Talking Gestures People lose 30% of the energy level in their voices while talking on the phone. Think of yourself as a star radio host every time you pick up the phone---turn your gestures into sound, crank it up 30%!
61. Name Shower When you say someone's name on the phone, it is like yanking that person in the room with you. People perk up when they hear their own name.
62. "Oh WOW, it's YOU!" Put a smile in your voice after hearing who is on the line. Answer the phone, unemotionally, professionally, then let the smile reign over. 63. The Sneaky Screen If you must screen your calls, always ask whose calling? This way callers don’t take it personally if you can't talk. 64. Salute the Spouse Home advice= salute the spouse.
Office advice= salute the secretary.
They have influence. Identify and greet the person who answers. 65. What Color is Your Time? Always, ask about timing. Make it a habit. Make it a rule. "Hi Joe, is this a good time to talk?" Wait for a GREEN LIGHT---if the person says, "Not really, but go ahead"….WAIT! Don't do your sales pitch while they are on RED.
66. Constantly Changing Outgoing Message Leave a short and friendly greeting as your outgoing message.
67. Your Ten Second Audition Whenever, you leave a voice message for anyone, always try to leave a cliff hanger. "Hi Harry, this is Andrew. I have an answer for that question you asked last week." Pretend you are out for a Broadway audition, you have ten seconds to leave your mark or next! 68. The Ho-Hum Caper Is he in? or Is she in? Tossing the familiar he or she, instead of their name, pronounces that you and the boss are old buddies (when talking to secretaries/businesses.)
69. "I Hear Your Other Line" If you hear another line ringing while on the phone (or dog barking or baby crying), ask your caller if he needs to attend to it. This shows you are a good communicator for asking.
70. Instant Replay Record business conversations and listen to them again. See where you may have fumbled or what you can improve (*careful, there are some laws here.)
Part 8: How to Work a Party like a Politician Works a Room 71. Munching or Mingling
Come to munch or come to mingle? Eat before the party. 72. Rubberneck the Room When you arrive at a gathering, stop in the doorway, slowly survey the room.
73. Be the CHOOSER, not the CHOOSEE Make every party, a rehearsal for the big event. Do not stand around waiting for the person to approach you. You make it happen. Capture whatever and whomever you want in your life.
74. Come-Hither Hands Stand with open body, arms, legs slightly separated, and slight smile on face. Give them the ole' wrist flash---turn you palms and wrists upwards-----showing you have nothing to hide. Position yourself near a doorway to maximize engagement.
Invoke the last minor or major event in someone's life when talking to them, people will love you for recognizing their stardom.
76. The Business Card Dossier Right after you talk to someone at a party, take out your pen….write down what you learned: her favorite restaurant, sport, drink, etc. In your next communication refer to this. POLITICIANS ARE CONSTANTLY SELLING THEMSELVES.
77. Eyeball Selling Keep your eyes open, watch your customer's reactions, and adjust your sales pitch according to how your customer body moves. "The body must be open before the mind can follow." If your customer is sitting there arms crossed--- find a way to offer them something to uncross their arms.
Part 9: How to Break the Most Treacherous Glass Ceiling of All 78. See no Bloopers, Hear no Bloopers
No one likes to be reminded of their own human frailty. Never gape at bloopers. 79. Lend a Helping Tongue Whenever someone's story is aborted by some outside interruption----help them get back on track. "Now, please get back to your story." 80. Bare the Buried WIIFM When asking someone for a favor, let them know how much it means to you---what's in it for you and the other person.
81. Let Em Savor the Favor Allow your friend to relish the joy of the favor for atleast 24 hours, before you make them pay the piper.
82. Tit for Tat Let them enjoy the fact you did a favor out of friendship….before asking them to "pay." 83. Parties are for Pratter Parties are NOT for confrontations. A tiger knows when he must attack, a party isnt the place. Leave tough talk for tougher settings. 84. Dinner's for Dining Breaking bread together is a time when you should not bring up any unpleasant matters. 85. Chance Encounters are for Chit Chat DO NOT capitalize on a chance encounter with someone.
Consistently, create safe havens for people if you want them to elevate you to the status of a big winner.
86. Empty their Tanks Your listener' s brain is always full of his or her own thoughts, worries, problems, and enthusiasms. In order to flow into their tank unpolluted, drain his/her tank empty first. If you need information, wait until their tank is empty, let people have their entire say, be patient, it’s the only way to ensure their inner noise is empty enough to start receiving your ideas. *In emotional situations---let the speaker finish talking completely before you jump in, COUNT to 10 if you must. 87. Echo the Emo Facts speak. Emotions shout. Here their facts but empathize like mad with their emotions. 88. My Goof, Your Gain Don’t just correct your mistake, ask yourself, "What could I do for this suffering soul so he/she will be delighted that I messed up?" Then do it fast! Make your goof, your gain.
89. Leave an Escape Hatch Big winners leave an escape hatch for the small lies their friends they wish to keep by taking the blame themselves. Example: If a friend gets lost and is in hour late to your house----tell them, "Those directions I gave you were terrible," even if they weren't.
90. Buttercups for their Boss Do you want attention from someone: a kids teacher, a therapist, etc? A sure way to get that attention is to send a buttercup to their boss. 91. Lead the Listeners Big Winners realize you're a fellow big winner when they see you leading their listeners in a positive reaction. Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the person you want favors from/agree with. Trust your own instincts. 92. The Great Scorecard in the Sky "Who has the most benefit from this relationship?" Player with lower score pays deference to player with higher score.
Nobody gets to the top alone. Practice is the fountainhead of all smooth communication moves. Repeating an action makes a habit. Your habits create your character. Your character is your destiny. May success be your destiny. I hope this information helps improve your relationships! For more knowledge subscribe to my social channels.
Lowndes, L. (2003). How to talk to anyone: 92 little tricks for big success in relationships. Contemporary Books.